Best desi Hindi jokes collection in India
Chor Ke Ghar Chori Ek chore 1 karor rupia aur bahut gold chori karke bhag raha tha. Ek gunge aur bahre insan ke ghar ghus gaya. Maal udhar rakha aur bola "Kal aake le jaoonga". Dusre din gaya .Maal vahan nahin tha. Puchha to gunga aise ishare karta mano vah kuchh nahin janta. Chor apne ek aise dost ko le aya jo gungo ki bhasha janta tha. Bola "isko puchh mal kahan hai batade nahin to shoot kar dunga." Gunga dar gaya aur apni bhasha mein bola "Ghar ke pichhe jo ped -tree hai uske niche." Ab chor to kuchh samja nahin. Dost se puchha "Kya bolta hai?" Dost bola "Bolta hai goli marde. Main nahin bataoonga." Do Bekar Dost Do dost bekar the. Kuchh kam nahi mil raha tha. Chalte chalte ek talab kinare aaye. Ek board par nazar padi ."Dhubane wale insan ko bachane wale ko 500 Rs inam 'Ek dost ko tairana ata tha Dusre ko nahin jisko tairana ata tha usne dusrese kaha tum talab mein kudo aur bachao bachao chilao main tumhein bachauga 500 milenge 250 tu lena 250 rs main lunga' wah kud gaya. Par uske chilane par bhi uske dost ne use nikalane se na kah diya wah bhola tere paani mein kudane ke bad maine dusra board dekha Lash (dead body) ko bahar nikalo aur 1000Rs pao. Open The Door How can a foreigner tell his indian servant 2 open the door, who doesnt know english. Think Say this fast in American accent. There was a cold day!' ;-> Advertisement Teacher Student Teacher: 'A' for? Student: Apple!!! Teacher: Jor se bolo. Student: JAI MATA DI. Home Work Teacher to Pathan: Tumne home work kyun nahin kiya? Pathan: Sir hum hostel mein rehta hai. Bitten By Mosquitoes Pappu was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got irritated...drank poison & said, Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge! I Luv U Bhola apni girl friend ko I Luv U kehta hai aur gir jata hai. Girl: Yeh kya kar rahe ho? Bhola: I'm falling in love. 3 wheeler Bhola was busy in removing a wheel from auto (3 wheeler), Ramu asks: Y r u removing a wheel from ur auto? Bhola: Can't u read 'Parking for two wheelers only' Advertisement Ajab Prem ki Gazab Kahani Ek pig aur bird mein love ho gaya. Dono ne shaadi kar li. Dono mar gaye. Pig bird flu se aur bird swine flu se...... Hai na .... Ajab Prem ki Gazab Kahani. What is dhobi What is dhobi? A man who dares to say to any woman in the presence of her husband "Kapde nikalke rakho main aa raha hun." Kis ke naam pe Pathan ne restaurant phone kiya: Hello!! 1 zinger burger! 1 fried rice! 1 frech fries! Bhej do! Restaurant: Ok, kis ke naam pe? Pathan: Allah ke naam pe. Kandhe Pe Bandar Ek pathan apne kandhe pe bandar baitha ke ja raha tha. Paas ek bande ne puchha ye kaun sa janwar ha? Bandar bola PATHAN. Sab pathan kaise mar gaye Reporter: Khan saab platform par khare sab pathan kaise mar gaye? Pathan: Ek elaan hua ki train platform par aa rahi hai sabne jaan bachane ke liye patri par chhalaang laga di. Reporter: Phir aap kaise bach gaye? Pathan: Main khudkushi ke liye patri par leta tha ye elaan suna to main platform par ja kar lait gaya. Advertisement Ramayan - Ram and Rawan Here are two engineers, one of them has hacked others website and try to using this. Just imagine if these two engineers named accordingly their nature and other characters also in same manner. Like good man is Ram, Bad man is Rawan, Website is Seeta.com and other characters are also names from Ramayana, this is pure imagination so don't take it seriously and enjoy imagination] Ram: Someone has hacked my website; I am not sure who is he but I am unable to access it. I must know who has done that, Laxman, Laxman [loudly]. Laxman: Yaa, what happened? Ram: what the hell were you doing? I appointed you as the chief security software engineer and you couldn't save your first websites. Someone has hacked Seeta.com. Laxman: Ram brother, I wasn't there at the time of hacking Seeta.com needs an Add-on on emergency basis and she was popping up "Need: Golden Deer" again and again. So I went to google.com for the same software and when I again maximized up the Seeta.com it was gone already, Raawan did it,�I also disabled the download manager, software update etc using Laxman-Rekha. Ram: Who is Rekha new joiner? Laxman: Not bro, it's a software to prevent viruses, I developed it. Ram: Oh you developed it, that's why!,�anyway call anyone expert who can trace that how did it happen? Laxman: I know someone named Jatayu Fadiya, who can trace the whole hacking, but in between if Raawan try to access websites Seeta.com then? Ram: Don't Worry, Seeta.com can not allow anyone to access itself it has been made with default user Ram and with a very secure property called "Pativrataa". You! Call Jatayu immediately. Laxman: He is out of network area; I think he must be flying high today. Ram: Call him continuously, and get connected as he comes little lower. Laxman: Ok. Laxma:n: [After sometime]: Bro we get it. Ram: Ok mail me the detailed. Laxman: I thought it's urgent. Ram: ok tail me first but don't forget the mail, and also CC that mail to Bali and Arjun. Laxman: Ram, Arjun is not available, it will come in future OS, Microsoft Mahabhatarat. Ram: Ok, than mail Bali and inform him on mobile also that we need a support to find and destroy the hacker ASAP. Who is he anyway and why did he hack our new website? Laxman: Talk to jatayu for that... he can explain you in detailed. Jatayu: Hi Ram. Ram: Hi Jatayu! What's this sound? Jatayu: Actually I am just flying little above. Anyway for you information He is Raawan, an extraordinary mind student from Shivbhakt Institue, owner of Gold Lanka Consultancy in Srilanka, from our OSC Vibhishan we got information that Raawanalso registered a website named Seeta, but Janak rejected his plea, And one of his sister Surabankha also wanted to join your brother's firm, but Laxman rejected her in interview. That's why in frustration Raawanhacked our Seeta.com. Ram: but how did he break Laxman's Laxam-Rekha software? Jatayu: He used some fraud name "Swami" and as you know in your company Raghukul you can't stop someone with names like, "Swami", "Bhikchuk", "Bhakt", etc. Raghukul Reet sadaa chali aayi, "Virus Aa Jaye Par User Naa Jaye". Ram: Thanks Jatayu, bye. Laxman Mail this to Bali also. Laxman: ok. Ram: [After little time] Anyway Laxman what's the status of Bali, is he progressing in right way. Laxman: yes I talked to him they are making a mirror way to enter Rawan's server, ther are making some Ram-Setu bridge for the Path. Ram: ok. And what else we need to get back Seeta. Laxman: as per my knowledge, Raawan has few good software to protect his servers, one of them kumbhkaran, Who eats a lot space in installation and very slow software, but provides a good security, and another one is Meghnath, tracing Meghnath is very tough, he is having good knowledge of JAVA and makes himself invisible and than attack using Jar applications. Ram: I think the bridge process has been completed and we are ready to attack on Kumbhkaran, Meghanath and Raawan finally. Laxman: I am starting a SCAN using Angad and other small softwares. Ram: Ok. [After few minutes] Ram: what's the status? Laxman: Angad foot got hanged somewhere in Raawan's floor. Ram: Make it quick, just CTRL+ALT+DEL, that process. [After Some time] Laxman: Hi, we cleared Kumbhkaran and Meghnath. Ram: Good. Laxman: But there is a problem with Raawan. His server is having 10 different DBA who are working simultaneously. Ram: oh multi-user. Laxman: no Multi tasking. Ram: It's ok let me give some time to think about this. [After little time] Ram: Laxman, we got our website back. Laxman: How did you do that? Ram: I used lates Symentec Vesion during all process, which burnt Raawan's server golden mother board, also that was in contact with Seeta.com so we can have all the updates from there. Laxman: what's that software? Ram: Hanuman................. J [Here Ram was happy with the Hanuman with him he cleared up all the obstacles and get Seeta.com back. Ram appraised him with new designation from friend (software engineer) to very good friend (senior software engineer), package same, Only designation changed] Laxman: Ram! Seeta.com has two new blogs now. Ram: What are these? Laxman: Lav and Kush..... [So there is always Ram and Rawan around you, sometimes within you] Doctor ke paas Ramu: Tu to Doctor ke paas jaane waala tha, kya hua? Bhola: Yaar kal jaaonga, aaj thodi tabiyat kharab hai. Mujhese shadi karogi Boy: Main last time poochh raha hoon, kya tum mujhese shadi karogi??? Girl: Nahi Boy: Soch lo........... Girl: Kaha na nahiiii Boy: Waiter! Bill alag alag lana! Shaadi Ki Badhai Hijade ek shaadi ki badhai dene gaye. Haye haye main to 1100 lungi. Dusri Boli main to 2100 lungi. Peeche se aawaz aai "Abey 2310 le lo usme FM bhi hai" Question Paper in Year 2020 Question paper in year 2020: Q.1 Name the cities of PAKISTAN where electricity is found. Q.2 How does sugar taste? Explain in ur own words. Q.3 Draw a neat n labelled diagram of a suicide jacket. Q.4 In ancient times, what was PETROL used for? Support ur answer with examples. Q.5 Write the complete name of PAKISTAN. Q.6 Explain principle n working of a Drone? Advertisement Kanjoos Boss Kanjoos boss 2 worker: Tumne is saal mehnat se kaam kia hai, is liye 5000 ka bonus cheque de raha hoon. Agar isi tarha kaam karoge to agle saal is pe sign bhi kar dunga. Ek kanjoos on his death time A kanjoos on his death time. My wife, Where r u? Wife: Yes, I'm here. My sons & daughters r u all here? Yes, Papa Kanjoos: To phir bagal wale kamre ka pankha kyun chal raha hai. Dosti ho to aisi Dosti ho to aisi----- Viru - Main apna purse ghar bhul aaya hoon mujhe 1000 rs chahiye. Jai - Dost hi dost ke kaam aata hai, le 10 rs, riksha kar aur purse le ke aaja. Aaj ka sawal Aaj ka sawal Mohabbat ho jati hai ya karni padti hai? Very simple..... Ladki sundar ho to ho jati hai aur agar Ameer ho to karni padti hai............ Padosi ke Saath Girl : Main pados wale ladke se pyar karti hoon aur uske saath bhaag rahi hoon. Baap : Thankyou, mere paise aur time dono bach gaye. Girl : Main letter padh rahi hoon jo mummy pakh kar gayi hain. Advertisement Ek Gadhe Ke Saath Zindagi Ladki ka baap : Main nahi chahata ki meri ladki apni poori zindagi ek gadhe ke saath guzaare. Ladki ka Boyfriend : Bus isiliye to main usse shaadi kar ke yahan se le jaana chahata hoon. SCARY STORY READ THIS SCARY STORY IF YOU DARE. On a rainy day, an old man was standing with a book for sale. A young man came to buy. He bought the book for Rs.3000. Old man advised "DONT OPEN LAST PAGE OF THE BOOK othrwise YOU'll get fainted" Man finished the book with great fear but didnt open the last page. . . . But,after a week, Out of curiousity he opend the last page and.. he almost fainted to see.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Retail Price: Rs 30/- Breaking News Fact BREAKING NEWS ::::::: New Delhi mein baraf giri.... . . . . . . AB SAMACHAR VISTAR SE: 1 bhaiya cycle par barf le ja rahe the, carrier dheela hone ki vajah se baraf giri. Dhanyawaad........... or khabron ke liye dekhte rahe ABI TAK. Jungle Mein Kiss Jungle mein mor ne morni ko kiss kiya. Morni use rok kar idhar udhar dekhane lagi. Mor ne poochha "Kya hua jaaneman" Morni : "Dekh rahi hu kahin pass mein Discovery Channel wale to nahi hain, nahi to MMS ban jayega." Ek ghane jungle mein Ek ghane jungle mein aap akele rat ke 2 baje ka time..zoron se hawa chalti hui..samne ped par ek lash jamin se latki hui jiski ankhen bahar lataki hui ..aapke dil men ghabrahat,sanse tej chalti hui..aap us lash ke pas gae ..achanak ped ki tehni tuti n lash aap ke upar giri.. Then.. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Calculate the force with which the body will fall on you.Also calculate the kinetic energy when the body will be at height 6 ft from ground? (Take g=9.8m/sec sqre,mass=66 kg) Advertisement Waqt se pehle aur kismat se zyada Kehte hain waqt se pehle aur kismat se zyada kisi ko kuch nahi milta: . . . aFsoooooosssss........ . . . . Mere paas waqt nahi or Ladki k paas kismat nahi... :) Wo aaye hum dekhte rahe Wo aaye hum dekhte rahe, wo muskuraye hum chup rahe, Wo bolte rahe hum sunte rahe, unhone kuchh poocha hum shant rahe, Jab wo jane lage hum chillaye - "Sir attendance to le lo". Funny meanings of places Funny meanings of places in english LARGE STATE: Maha-rastra PLACE OF KINGS: Raja-sthan QUEEN FEILD: Rani-khet MR.CITY: Sri-nagar RHYTHM OF EYES: Naini-tal FACE: Surat UNMARRIED GIRL: Kanya-kumari GOD'S GATE: Hari-dwar BRICK CITY: Ita-nagar SAINT HAIR: Rishi-kesh CALL END: Kol-kata NO ZIP: Chen-nai COME ON SUN: Arun-aa-chal COME IN EVENIN: Aa-sam GO & Come: GO-A n finally Do Drama: Kar- natak..! Isnt India a place of wonders...? Bachcho kasam khao Sir: 'Bachcho kasam khao kabhi sharab, cigarette nahi pioge, non veg nahi khaoge.' Bachche: 'Nahi khaenge sir.' Sir: 'Kabhi ladkiyon ko nahi chhedoge.' Bachche: 'Alright sir!' Sir: 'Jua nahi kheloge.' Bachche: 'Ok! sir.' Sir: 'Desh ke liye jaan bhi de doge.' Bachche: 'De denge sir, aisi jaan ka aur karenge bhi kya! What is ur result Father: Wht abt ur result? Son: Woh valeel saab ka beta fail ho gaya. Father: Wht abt urs? Son: Woh inspector saab ka beta fail ho gaya. Father: And wt abt urs? Son: Woh doctor saab ka.. Father: U idiot I am asking abt ur result? Son: To aap kaun se Prime Minister hain jo aap ka beta paas hoga jayega. Height of Flirt Trin trin... Gal: Hello baby... Boy: Ohh, jaan bolo. Gal: Kahan ho yaar? Subah se koi ata pata hi nhi hai tumhara..!! Boy: Arey hum to khoye hue hain aapki aankho me. Gal: Abhi kya kar rahe ho? Boy: Tumhari hi pic dekh raha hun, Kahin aur mann lag hi nahi raha. Gal: Maine to tumhe apni pic di hi nahi..! Boy: Arey tumhari pic to barson se mere dil mein chapi hui hai..! Gal: Lekin hum to parson hi mile hain na? Boy: Tumhare bina ek pal bhi barson ke samaan hai pinky. Gal: Pinky..??? Ye pinky kaun hai?? Main to divya hun..!! Boy: Dekha tumse baat karte hi sab kuch bhool jata hun..! Gal: Tum sunny hi ho na Boy: Ghar waale to arjun kehte hain, but wo galat ho sakte hain.. Tum nahi.. Gal: Ye '80XXXXX51' ye tumhara hi no. Hai na? Boy: Tha to nahi but ab se hai..!! Rob padega Son 2 dad: Car ki chabhi do, college me function hai. Dad: Car kyun? Son: 10 lakh ki car me jaunga to rob padega. Dad: Ye le10 rs 30 lakh ki bus me ja, zyada rob padega. Kabootar Ka Accident Car se takra kar kabutar behosh ho gaya. Aadmi use doctor ke paas le gaya phis ghar le aaya aur pinjre me rakkha. Kabutar ko hosh aaya or bola - "Aila sala jail ho gai, wo car wala mar gaya kya." Main tere dost jaisa hi hu Father: Kya hua beta Q ro rahe ho. Mujhe bata main tere dost jaisa hi hu. Son: Kya batau yaar main apni wali se milne gaya tha teri wali ne bahut mara. Teacher se Pyar BOY:- Beda mushkil hai TEACHER se pyar karna. Frnd:- Kyon?? BOY:- Loveletter bheja tha... 7 mistakes nikal di. Advertisement Bhookh ya Ladki Profesor ne 1 ladke ke liye 1 taraf cake or 1 taraf ladki rakhi. Aur kaha ki in dono main se koi ek cheez le lo. Ladka foran cake ki tarf Lapka Doosri bar cake badal ke roti rakhi to Ladka Roti ko Lapka.. Yun bar bar food item badalne per ladka her bar khane ki taraf bhaga. Prof: Bas sabit hua ke bhookh hi sabse badi cheez hai. Piche se 1 student bola: "Sir ye is ki behan hai, 1 bar ladki bhi badal ke dekh lete? Likhe jo KHAT tuje Boy to girl: Likhe jo KHAT tuje wo tere YAD me, Sare padh liye papa ne RAT me, Sawera jab hua to JUTE pad gaye, Wo"FANAA" wale baal "GHAJNI" ban gaye..
